Victim of the Economy

For those that do not know, I lost my job last week. Due to restructuring in the commercial bank, my "position has been eliminated." While I suspected something the day before, I still was surprised, hurt, frustrated, angry, felt betrayed - all of the emotions that you might expect after being fired.

I am still processing a lot in my mind, and have gone through several stages since I heard the news:

1) Absolute panic and frantic desire to find a new job. I came home and immediately sent out my resume to several head hunters, and spread the word to my friends in the banking industry who might know of open positions. Thankfully, I have a couple interviews lined up already. I think it's best to make finding a job my new "job."

2) Freedom and relief. I have not been truly happy at my job for quite some time, and it feels like I'm finally released from the burden of having to go to a workplace that I sometimes enjoyed, but not fully. I chose to not do anything about my occasional dissatisfaction because of comfort and good pay. At the end of the day, I believe that God loves me enough to kick me out to find something that better glorifies Him and better fulfills me instead of making me leave on my own, which clearly wasn't happening.

3) Impatience. While I do trust that God has a plan, I want to know what that plan is today. I have never been a patient person unfortunately, and am so curious to know where I will land! I have been through uncertain times in my life where I've sought answers instead of seeking to know God's character more. This time, hard as it may be, I'm praying that I'll learn more about my faith and relationship with God instead of looking at Him as a "coke machine in the sky" and praying only for answers.

The first few days have been kind of like a vacation, although as time passes I'm becoming more stir crazy. I feel scattered and unorganized, out of focus without my normal routine. It's like I'm a stay at home mom, but without the kids...

If we didn't have China to look forward to I might go nuts. Will keep you posted on how things go. In the meantime, Oprah's on!!